Script Part 2
by Mew2 Strikes Back
Summary: The second part of my critically acclaimed Matrix parody, this time based on the original Matrix film. Also features parodies from other films, including Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Batman. Has less language than the first part, but still substantial


"**Script"**

**Written By Mew2 Strikes Back**

**Starring – Peter Jarvis**

**Tom Williams**

**Kim Cobb**

**Rebecca Bailey**

**Megan Tyler**

**Tom Bethell**

**Trisha Corbett**

**And Jon Kane as "The Oracle"**

_**Act List**_

Act One: The Beginning of the End

Act Two: Knock Knock Megan...

Act Three: Phone Call

Act Four: Interrogation

Act Five: Another Phone Call

Act Six: Explanations

Act Seven: The Train Station

Act Eight: The Other One is tested

Act Nine: 2 vs 3 vs ∞

Act Ten: Into the Darkness

Act Eleven: Training

Act Twelve: Rescue Mission

Act Thirteen: Allies

Act Fourteen: Lies and consequences

Act Fifteen: Torture

Act Sixteen: Assault

Act Seventeen: Counter-attack

Act Eighteen: The two fools

Act Nineteen: Mutiny

Act Twenty: Chit-chat

Act Twenty-one: Bullets on the rooftop

Act Twenty-two: Lair of the two Lovers

Act Twenty-three: Destruction of Agent Williams

Act Twenty-four: Escapism

Act Twenty-five: Rise of Chaos

Act Twenty-six: The One

Act Twenty-seven: Fresh Beginnings

Act Twenty-eight: Headagent

Act Twenty-nine: The Fall of Destruction

Act Thirty: Death

Act Thirty-one: Journey's Over

Act Thirty-two: Rebirth

Act Thirty-three: Grass is always greener

Act Thirty-four: End of the End

_**Cast List**_

**MAIN CHARECTERS**

_**Peter Jarvis**_

_**Agent Williams**_

**_Kimity_**

**_Baileyus_**

_**Megan Tyler**_

_**Agent Bethell**_

_**The Oracle**_

_**Agent Finn**_

_**Organ**_

**MINOR CHARECTERS**

_**Catherine "Cat" Addison**_

_**Woman on bus**_

_**Computer**_

_**Aled Johnson**_

_**Sophie Ellis-Bextor**_

_**Sarah Rathbone**_

_**David Meadows**_

_**Death**_

_**Destruction**_

_**Chaos**_

_**Headagent**_

_**Agent Norman**_

_**Shick**_

_**Agent Saruman**_

_**The Mardis Gras**_

_**Rachel**_

_**Flabi**_

_**JennyWoman**_

_**Leprechaun**_

_**Angel**_

_**Sean Hughes**_

_**Bouncer**_

_**Agent Marshall**_

_**Trisharchitect**_

_**Script**_

Act One – The Beginning of the End

Peter is sitting alone at a bench on a underground train station platform in his shades and coat. A train rumbles in the distance. Peter plays with a lighter, flicking it on and off.

(Peter flicks lighter on)

(flicks lighter off)

Peter: (murmurs to self) So wondrous, that such small things were not left out. For what would the world do without fire, but no-one would even notice if this lighter had gone...

(train rumbles in distance)

(Peter flicks lighter off)

(catches finger in lighter)

Peter: Ow!

(sucks finger)

(throws lighter onto track)

(train pulls in)

Peter: (looks at watch) 11.50, just as she said it would be...

(doors of train open)

(people stream out)

(Peter stands up)

(walks behind crowd with hands behind his back)

(walks up escalator)

(steps off escalator, gets coat caught in it)

Peter: For gods sake! How does he walk in this cack?

(tugs on coat, people stare)

(coat rips, Peter puts hands behind back, carries on walking)

(comes to ticket barrier, vaults it)

(looks outside to moonlight, sees girl stepping onto bus)

(Peter starts to push people out of the way)

(girl steps towards the back of the bus)

(Peter starts to run)

(bus doors close)

(Peter runs through train station doors, bus drives away)

(Peter sighs)

(walks up to nearby motorbike)

(looks around, nobody's there)

(rips bike chain off)

(mounts bike, and kicks back to start it)

(bike drives off)

The girl that Peter had been watching sits down on the bus next to an old lady.

(smiles at lady)

(she groans and looks out of window)

(bus trundles along)

(girl stares out of window)

(sees reflection of traffic)

(sharply intakes breath)

(stands up, walks to back of bus)

(dives through window at back of bus)

Old woman: (to everyone else) Knew she was gonna do that. She had that strange look about her. Y'know, the psycho one.

(everyone nods and agrees)

(girl rolls over on the road)

(she gets up and begins to walk quickly away)

(looks behind her)

(turns into alleyway)

(a motorbike pulls up round the corner)

(engine goes off)

(girl starts to jog)

(looks behind her)

(hears footsteps)

(starts to run)

(footsteps move faster)

(girl runs around a corner)

(it's a dead end)

(girl looks frantically for an exit)

(footsteps stop, girl turns around slowly)

(Peter is standing there, framed in darkness)

Peter: Catherine Addison, you nearly gave us the slip back there...

Cat: (voice shakes) I'm not Cat! I don't know what you're talking about!

Peter: (tuts) Now, now Mrs Addison, you can't fool us...

(Agent Williams steps out from the darkness)

(Peter and Agent Williams look at each other)

Agent Williams: That would be very foolish of us to believe you...

Peter: Yes, it would, wouldn't it...

(adjusts Agent Williams' tie)

Agent Williams: Thank you...

Peter: Shall we proceed?

Agent Williams: (smiles) I think we should, shouldn't we?

(they advance towards Cat)

Act Two – Knock Knock Megan

Megan is lying next to a blank computer, with paper strewn all over the desk. She snores loudly.

(Computer comes on, but the screen is still blank. A green message runs across the top of the screen)

Computer: Can you stop snoring so loud please?

(Megan snores again)

Computer: OY!

(Megan mumbles in her sleep)

Computer: Wake up Megan...

(Megan murmurs something about marks)

Computer: Megan!

(silence)

Computer: For fucks sake!

(screen opens, cold water is thrown out all over Megan)

Megan: AGH!

Computer: Got your attention now, have I?

(Megan rubs eyes and looks at screen)

Megan: This can't be real...

Computer: It's right here in front of you, you blind bitch!

Megan: What? I'm getting abused by the computer!

Computer: (cocks printer) Indeed.

Computer: You need to watch out Megan. The Matrix has you.

Megan: What? What's the Matrix?

Computer: Just shut up and listen.

Computer: Follow the white rabbit.

Megan: The white rabbit?

Computer: What did I just say??

Megan: Don't know, wasn't listening.

Computer: I can't believe you weren't listening to me! Oops, look at the time.

Computer: Knock knock Megan.

(door knocks)

(Megan looks at the door)

(looks back at computer, a screensaver of a naked woman lying on a bed is on)

Megan: Wow, it's back to normal!

(door knocks again)

(letterbox opens)

Voice: Megan, it's Aled and Sophie Ellis. Open the frickin door!

Megan: Ok, ok...

(Megan pulls back bolts on door and opens it)

Megan: What?

Aled: Have you finished it?

Megan: What? Oh yeah. Wait there.

(closes door, fishes through piles of paper)

Megan: (shouts) What lesson was it?

Aled: (through door) Maths.

(Megan picks up a paper, goes back to door)

(gives papers to Aled)

Megan: If anyone asks, that homework never came from me, ok?

Aled: Yeah, yeah, ok...

Megan: You got my money?

Aled: It's all here. (gives envelope to Megan)

(Megan opens envelope, looks at money)

Aled: What's wrong? Don't ya trust me?

Megan: No, it's not that. Just been having a bad day.

Aled: Don't blame you, cooped up in here all day. Why don't you come out with us tonight? Me and Sophie Ellis going to that new club in town.

Sophie: â™«Murder on the dancefloorâ™«

Megan: Really?

Sophie: â™«But you'd better not steal the grooveâ™«

Megan: Is it that good?

Sophie: â™«DJâ™«

Megan: Yeah, but I'm not sure, I think I'm doing my hair...

Sophie: â™«Gonna burn this goddamn house right downâ™«

Megan: So what's this place called? I'm not going if it's too far away..

Aled: Oh, no... It's right across the other side of town... What's it called now.. The White Rabbit!

(Megan's door slams)

Act Three – Phone Call

Megan is leaning against a wall on her own at the White Rabbit nightclub while Sophie Ellis stabs Aled to death on the dancefloor.

(Woman walks up in leather catsuit that doesn't... entirely fit her...)

Woman: Are you Megan Tyler?

(Megan looks)

Megan: I know you... You're Kimity... You destroyed that power station three weeks ago...

(Kimity hands Megan a phone)

Kim: I am, but we can't talk here. We might be being watched.

Megan: What's this for?

Kim: Someone will call you at school tomorrow. Make sure you answer it.

(Kim walks away into crowd)

(Megan looks down at phone in confusion)

Megan is in the library at school, messing with the phone when it starts to vibrate.

Megan: Ooohh... Oooohhh.

(answers phone, puts it to her ear)

Megan: Hello?

Voice: Hello Megan. We do not have much time.

Voice: You must do exactly as I tell you. Do you understand?

Megan: Yes.

Voice: Stand up. Slowly.

(Megan stands up slowly)

Voice: Across the library. At the counter.

(Megan looks across the library and sees the police and three people in black suits and ties talking to the librarian. She points towards the area where Megan is)

(Megan ducks back down)

Megan: Holy shit! Who are they?

Voice: It does not matter for now. What does matter is they are coming for you. And you do not want them to find you. When I tell you, I want you to run across three bookcases. There is an empty table there with the Guinness World Book of Records on it. Pick it up and begin reading it.

Megan: But what-

Voice: Go. Now.

(Megan runs across three bookcases, trips over her shoelaces)

Megan: Ow!

(crawls into chair, holds up Guinness World Book of Records upside-down above her face)

(the people in black go to the place where Megan was, see she is not there. They spread out across the library. One walks past Megan, does not see her with the book in front of her)

Megan: How did you know that? Who are you?

Voice: My name is Baileyus. Or Becky for short. Right. Now there is a fire exit out there. That will lead you out of the building. A bus will arrive at the bus stop outside in 30 seconds. You must catch it.

Megan: What?! I have no fare!

Voice: Then you must fare dodge.

Megan: No way! I'm not faredodging!

Voice: There are two ways out of this building. One is faredodging. The other is in their custody.

Megan: Well then it'll have to be in their custody, you crazy bitch!

Voice: Then that is your choice.

(phone hangs up)

(Megan looks around)

Megan: This is crazy...

Kimity is on a motorbike outside the school. She watches as the people in black try bundle Megan into a van.

Kim: (to earpiece) The Agents have her.

(an Agent tries to bundle Megan into van)

Agent: Don't worry, I'm driving, you're in safe hands.

Megan: It's not that I'm worried about – If you driveth the van, who driveth you?

Agent: (points gun at Megan) Just get in the van.

(Megan gets in the van)

(Agent slams door)

(Agent looks around, sees Kimity)

Kim: Shit.

(speeds away)

Act Four – Interrogation

Megan is sitting alone in a small room with white panelled walls. She drums fingers on table and whistles "Eye of the Tiger".

(door opens)

(three Agents walk in. One sits down, the other two stand either side with their arms folded)

(the Agent slams a heavy book down)

(he fiddles with the binder on the cover)

Megan: Are you ok there? Need some help?

Agent: No... nearly got.... It..

(puts force on binder)

(paperclips fly off, paper goes everywhere)

(other Agents slap hands on forehead)

(Agent grabs a paper that's floating past)

Agent: Ah. Got one.

Agent: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Agent Bethell, and these are my associates, Agent Finn and Agent Marshall.

(Agent Marshall waves)

Agent Bethell: Well, well, well... Mrs Tyler...

(silence)

Megan: That's me.

(Agent Bethell looks up)

Agent Bethell: Oh right. No, I didn't actually want you... I was just saying that because I like saying it.

Megan: Oh right. Got you now.

Agent Bethell: Mrs Tyler, someone's been a busy bee...

Megan: It's not what it looks like! I mean, how was I supposed to know it was a lesbian bar? And there was only about six of us. It wasn't in a public place or anything – we did it in the-

(Agent Finn coughs)

Agent Bethell: We weren't actually.. talking about that...

Megan: Oh... oops.

Agent Bethell: Erm..

(Agent Finn coughs)

Agent Marshall: (looks at Agent Finn) Are you ok? That sounds like quite a bad cough, you know.

Agent Finn: (in croaky voice) It is. You know when you get that tickly feeling in the back of your throat?

Megan: Oh yeah! I get that all the time. Don't worry about it – a bit of honey and lemon does wonders.

Agent Bethell: Does that actually work?

Agent Finn: I might try that when I get home. Thanks Megan.

Megan: My pleasure.

Agent Bethell: (digs in pockets) Actually, I've got some Tunes here somewhere. They work well enough for me... Where are they?

Agent Marshall: Oh wait there... Are they the ones in a purple pack?

Agent Bethell: (stops) Yeah....

Agent Marshall: Erm... I might have... used them before...

Agent Bethell: They were mine!

Agent Marshall: I'm sorry, but my throat was really sore...

Agent Bethell: It doesn't matter! The fact is, they were mine, and you took them without asking!

Agent Marshall: I'm really sorry...

Agent Bethell: Sorry really doesn't cut it, Marshall! I can't believe you did that! I don't want to talk to you any more. Get out.

(stands up and opens door)

Agent Marshall: Aw, no, I'm really sorry...

Agent Bethell: (points at door) Out!

(Agent Marshall slopes off out of door)

(Agent Bethell slams door)

(turns around, Agent Finn is in his seat)

Agent Bethell: Get out of my seat!

Agent Finn: 'Tis my seat now.

Agent Bethell: (tries to tug Agent Finn out of seat) No! I'm... sitting.... there....

(Agent Bethell slips on piece of paper on floor)

(gives up)

Agent Bethell: Fine then! Sit there!

(Agent Finn spins around on chair)

Agent Finn: Whee!

(Megan coughs)

Megan: My interrogation?

Agent Bethell: Oh yeah.

(pushes Agent Finn out of door)

(slams it)

Agent Bethell: Sooo... As I was saying...

(kneels down on floor)

Agent Bethell: It appears you've been living... two lives.. Mrs Tyler...

Agent Bethell: In one you're Megan Tyler, a homework enthusiast. You work for a respectable papershop. You do your homework, you have a bank account, and you help Peter and Kim take the piss out of... Paul...

Agent Bethell: In the other life, you're a hijacker who goes by the alias – FluffyBunny2k2 and you're guilty of virtually every MSN crime we have a.. law for...

Megan: What? There were no other MSN names left!

Agent Bethell: But, we're willing to wipe the slate clean, Mrs Tyler.

(pushes rest of papers onto floor)

Agent Bethell: (takes off sunglasses) We know you have been contacted by a certain... individual who goes by the name of... Baileyus. What you think you know about this individual is irrelevant. What is relevant is that she is regarded by many authorities to be the most dangerous person alive.

Agent Bethell: My friends think that I'm wasting my time with you, but I believe that you wish to do the... right thing..

Agent Bethell: Will you help us?

(Megan thinks)

Megan: How about... I give you... a... finger (offers chocolate finger), and you give me my phone call?

(Agent Bethell takes finger)

(puts back on sunglasses)

Agent Bethell: (mouth full) Yoo dshpoint me, Mrsh Tmylr.

Agent Bethell: (holds up index finger) One schnd.

(swallows)

Agent Bethell: You disappoint me, Mrs Tyler.

Megan: (sighs) Just give me my phone call.

Agent Bethell: Tell me, Mrs Tyler... What's the point of having a phone call- if you have no... credit...

(Megan screams in silence)

(Agent Bethell laughs)

Agent Bethell: (pulls out smiley face stress ball) You're going to help us, Mrs Tyler... Whether you like it or not...

(smiley face stress ball morphs into strange living machine)

(Agent Bethell drops it onto Megan's stomach)

(It burrows into her stomach as she screams in pain)

Act Five – Another Phone Call

Megan wakes up in her bed, screaming. She sighs and sinks back into bed. The rain patters against her window. Then the phone rings.

(Megan looks at phone)

(picks it up)

Megan: Hello?

Voice: Hello, Megan. I cannot talk for long. This line is tapped. You must go to 53rd street, New York. Wait outside Maple House.

(phone hangs up)

(Megan puts the phone down)

11:30pm, 53rd street, New York. Megan is standing in the pouring rain outside Maple House when a car pulls up. The door opens. Kimity is inside.

Kim: Get in.

(Megan steps inside)

(door slams)

(car starts moving)

Kim: This is Sarah Rathbone.

(Girl with blonde hair in the front of the car cocks gun, and points it at Megan)

Megan: What the hell?

Kim: Don't worry. We think you might be stressed.

Megan: No, I feel fine!

(Sarah cocks gun)

Sarah: Just do as I say. We don't have time for 20 questions.

Megan: But I didn't ask a question!

Kim: Pull up your shirt.

Megan: Oooh, Kimity... I didn't know you felt that way about me...

Kim: Stop the car.

(opens door)

Kim: You can either do it my way, or the highway.

(Kim falls out of car, bounces along the road)

(car reverses)

(Kim gets back in)

Kim: I said stop the FUCKIN CAR!

(car stops)

Kim: Aw, forget it.

(car starts up again)

Sarah: You might feel some discomfort.

(shoots Megan in the stomach)

Megan: AGH!

(smiley face stress ball rolls out)

Megan: Holy shit! That thing's real?

Kim: Ok, we're here.

(steps out of car)

(they're back at Maple House)

Megan: Didn't we just-

Sarah: What did I tell you about questions?

(They step into the house, go up a flight of stairs. The house is painted in camouflage paint.)

(they stop outside of a door)

Kim: Can I advise you one thing?

Megan: What? Tell the truth?

Kim: No, before you get out of bed next time, spray some deodorant.

Megan: Wha-

(Kim pushes Megan into room)

(slams door)

(the room has two leather backed chairs in it)

(there is a person standing next to the window)

(she turns around)

(she has small sunglasses and combats on)

Person: Welcome Megan. I am Baileyus.

Act Six – Explanations

Megan is in a room with the legendary Baileyus. Baileyus invites her to sit down.

(Baileyus and Megan sit down)

Baileyus: Don't call me that! Call me Becky!

Becky: That's better.

(puts fingers together)

Becky: I believe I owe you some explanations Megan.

Megan: I believe you do.

Becky: Well, I'll tell you what we know so far, but even that's pretty sketchy. Because you see, three weeks ago, the whole world was destroyed.

Megan: What?

Becky: Yes. I did not believe it myself, but now I see it must be true.

Megan: How? What makes you think this is true?

Becky: Because she told me. The Oracle.

Megan: Who's she?

Becky: She tells the future.

Megan: And? Even if this crazy bitch can tell the future, why the hell would she know if the world was destroyed last week?

Becky: Three weeks ago.

Megan: Whatever.

Becky: She knows, because she is one of the four people who survived.

Megan: How the hell was the world destroyed?

Becky: It was simple. Evil triumphed over good.

Megan: Isn't good always supposed to triumph over evil?

Becky: Indeed. But it seems that evil cheated.

Megan: Ahhh...

Becky: And the Oracle was on the side of good. So she called it a draw, and recreated the world.

Megan: And what has this got to do with me?

Becky: Because you are the Other One. You must protect the One as he arrives in this world.

Megan: The Other One? Why can't I be the One?

Becky: Because the One must be a guy.

Megan: That's sexist!

Becky: (sighs) Yes, I know, but we have to let them think that they are the best.

Megan: True...

(silence)

Megan: What do you mean when the One arrives in this world?

Becky: Everyone who was killed last time is returning to this world. They are returning from the Source via the Train Station. I came a few weeks ago, and had to fight for my life to escape.

Megan: So that means I wasn't killed in the other one!

Becky: No, you drowned in cement. You were going to die, but the world ended before that happened.

Megan: Ew... What do you mean you had to fight for your life?

Becky: He was waiting for me.

Megan: Who?

Becky: The One's opposite. The champion of darkness. The Agent Williams.

Megan: Well, if you knew he was probably waiting for you, why weren't you prepared? Why didn't you run away?

Becky: Because I didn't know who he was.

(Megan looks confused as thunder sounds)

Act Seven – The Train Station

Peter is sitting alone at a bench on a underground train station platform in his shades and coat. A train rumbles in the distance. Peter plays with a lighter, flicking it on and off.

(flicks lighter off)

Peter: (to self) He will be here soon. He will not know who we are.

Peter: (to self) No he will not.

(train rumbles in background)

Peter: (looks at watch) 11.20. Just as she said it would be.

(train pulls in)

(Peter stalks up and down platform to try and look in windows)

(train doors open)

(Peter pockets lighter)

(people stream off platform)

(Peter strains eyes to try and pick out someone)

(people stream away through exit, go up escalators)

Peter: He is not here. We think he should be here. Where is he?

(hand grabs Peter on shoulder)

(another Peter is standing there)

Peter: Looking for me?

(punches Peter)

(first Peter staggers back)

(lights go out)

(lights come back on)

(Cat is standing there instead)

Peter: You killed Cat too?

(Cat pulls out gun)

Cat: (cocks gun) We did indeed.

(starts shooting Peter)

(Peter stands still and stops bullets in their tracks)

Cat: Ok, you have been practising.

(bullets fall to floor)

(Peter kicks Cat into wall on other side of track)

(train goes past)

(Agent Williams stands where Cat was)

(clenches teeth)

Peter: No paper to help you this time.

Agent Williams: Don't need one.

(dives at Peter)

(Peter flies upwards, kicks Agent Williams in the head)

(Agent Williams bounds off wall, grabs Peter and slams him into opposite wall)

(Peter slides down wall onto track)

(train rumbles)

(Agent Williams grabs hold of Peter and forces him towards track)

Agent Williams: Do you hear that Mr Jarvis?

(train screeches in distance)

Peter: No.

Agent Williams: What about now?

Peter: (puts finger in ear, wiggles it about) No!

Agent Williams: Wait there, I'll get you closer.

(drags Peter along track)

Agent Williams: What about now?

(train screeches)

Peter: You mean the train?

Agent Williams: Yes, the impeding sound of your death...

Peter: I could hear that before, I just didn't know what you were going on about.

Agent Williams: (grits teeth) Fine then. It's going to get much louder anyway when it goes over your head.

Peter: You think so?

(train comes down the track)

(Peter looks up)

(Agent Williamses all stand on the edge of the train platform)

(train hurtles towards Peter and Agent Williams)

Act Eight – The Other One is tested

Megan is discussing the important matters of the future of mankind with Baileyus.

Baileyus: I know exactly what you mean. The world just isn't the same as it was before this happened.

Megan: Exactly. I mean, what was the point of changing things like that?

(Megan picks up custard cream, dips it in tea)

Megan: Look! It just falls apart when I dip it in!

(custard cream snaps in half, Baileyus watches with fascination)

Baileyus: Intriguing... Isn't it?

Megan: (squashes biscuit) Indeed.

Megan: So you're telling me that Agent Williams has now got the power to morph into whoever he wants?

(Megan picks up a chocolate bourbon, dips that in)

Baileyus: Hmm, they are MUCH better. And not everyone. Just people he's killed in the past.

(bourbon snaps in half)

(Megan stops)

(starts trying to fish biscuits out with her fingers)

Baileyus: (leans forward) You have to focus Megan. Otherwise, what hope have you got?

In a different room, Kimity and Sarah are looking in on CCTV in another room.

(Sarah leans into canteen where people are eating)

Sarah: Megan and Baileyus are biscuit dipping!

(everyone abandons food, gets up)

(crowds around screen)

(everyone breathes heavily)

(Kimity bites her nails)

Sarah: I thought you put that nasty tasting anti-nail biting stuff on?

Kimity: I did.

Sarah: Meadows, do you think that she'll make it the first time?

(Meadows shakes head)

Meadows: No-ones ever done it the first time before.

Kimity: But what if she does? What would that mean?

(everyone huddles around screen)

(Sarah slaps Kimity)

Sarah: Get your big head out of the way! I can't see!

Megan has her fingers inside the cup of tea. Baileyus is leaning forward on her chair for a better look.

(Baileyus breathes heavily)

Baileyus: What have I told you about calling me that?

Becky: That's better.

(leans forward on chair)

Megan: Why don't you just stand up? You'll get a much better view.

Becky: Because I'm stuck. But don't concern yourself with me. You have to focus all your energy.

Megan: (fishes with hand) Nearly... there...

Becky: Focus Megan!

(in screen room, Kimity starts biting her fingers)

Becky: Focus!

(Megan fishes with hands)

Megan: It's too... hot...

Becky: You're so close! Concentrate!

Megan: (fishes) Hot... hot...

Becky: Come on!

(Megan closes eyes)

(hand comes out, Megan breathes heavily)

Megan: I just can't do it...

In CCTV room, Sarah, Kimity and Meadows are looking disappointed.

Sarah: What does this mean? Is this bad?

Kimity: It means nothing.

Meadows: Everyone drops the biscuit the first time.

Act Nine – 2 vs. 3 vs ∞

Peter is being held down on a train track by Agent Williams as a train hurtles towards them.

(train flies down track)

(train screeches to a halt)

(Agent Williams looks up)

Agent Williams: Oh no...

(Agent Bethell steps off the train)

Peter: Oh no... Kill me now...

Agent Bethell: Well, well, well...

(Agent Finn steps out from between Agent Williamses)

Agent Finn: Now, this hardly looks sporting, wouldn't you agree, Marshall?

(Agent Marshall steps out of tunnel)

Agent Marshall: Of course I would.

Agent Bethell: Why don't we even it up a little?

Agent Finn: (flexes muscles) Because, we do work for the people that matter....

(laughs)

(Agent Finn is pushed off the platform onto the track)

Oracle: And you've also got a gay laugh.

(Agent Finn turns round)

Agent Finn: You!

Oracle: Me, me, me...

Agent Williams: And us too, don't forget...

2nd Agent Williams: How could we?

(dives at the Oracle)

(Oracle kicks him into wall)

(everyone stares)

Oracle: Who else wants a can of ass-whup?

(everyone dives for each other, Agent Bethell jumps back into train)

(Peter kicks off Agent Marshall whilst she deals with an Agent Williams)

(The Oracle runs up wall, and kicks Agent Finn in the stomach)

(Agent Finn slaps Oracle in the face)

Oracle: Ooooh, you SO gonna wish you didn't do that!

(train starts up)

(train mows down Agent Williamses on track)

(Peter, the Oracle and Agent Finn backflip ontop of train)

(train pulls out of the station)

(Agent Williamses and Agent Marshall shrug and walk off)

(train disappears into darkness)

Act Ten - Into the Darkness

Peter and the Oracle are standing off against Agent Finn on the top of a speeding train.

Agent Finn: This is the end, the road's-

(wind knocks tie into Agent Finn's face)

Agent Finn: Mrph!

(pushes tie back down)

(tie flies back up)

(Agent Finn pulls out tie-clip)

(clips tie down)

Agent Finn: See? They do come in handy!

Oracle: (cocks gun) Indeed.

Agent Finn: Please, please... Put it away...

Peter: Why do you lot always say that?

Agent Finn: Because, we're stalling while our friend sneaks up behind you and puts a knife to your throat.

(Agent Bethell puts knife to Peter's throat)

Oracle: Wow! You're good! Have you ever thought of being an Oracle?

Agent Finn: Well, yeah, but I didn't think I had the qualifications to be an Oracle. So I became a teacher instead.

(Agent Bethell coughs)

Agent Bethell: You're an agent.

Agent Finn: Oh yeah!

(pulls out gun, points it at Oracle)

Agent Finn: Put the gun down, or your little friend has his throat cut.

Peter: I am NOT her friend.

Oracle: (quickly) Yes he is. I have lots of friends.

(Agent Bethell sniggers)

Oracle: What are you laughing at?

Agent Bethell: Nothing.

(Peter and Agent Bethell burst out laughing)

Oracle: Stop laughing at me!

Peter: Ok, ok...

Oracle: If I put this gun down, then you'll shoot me!

Agent Finn: Ok then, we'll both put the guns down at the same time then.

Oracle: Ok, that sounds fair.

Agent Finn: Right then. After three.

Agent Finn: 1

Agent Finn: 2

Agent Finn: 3!

(Agent Finn and Oracle stay still)

Agent Finn: Ok, that didn't work.

(lights in tunnel go out)

(lots of scuffling)

(lights come back on)

(Peter has three guns pointed at everyone else. Agent Bethell has knife to Oracle's throat)

Agent Finn: Ok, that didn't work either. Try again.

(lights go out)

(scuffling)

(lights come back on)

(Agents Finn and Bethell stand on one side of the train; Peter and the Oracle stand on the other. The Oracle has a huge samurai sword)

Agent Finn: Ok, try that again...

Oracle: No, I like it this way.

(dives at Agent Finn with sword)

(Agent Finn dodges it, kicks sword out of Oracle's hands)

(Peter and Agent Bethell stop and stare at sword)

(Peter dives towards it, Agent Bethell grabs hold of it)

(gun flies out of Peter's pocket)

(Peter slides across metal)

(Agent Finn catches gun)

(Agent Bethell holds sword to Peter's throat)

(Agent Finn points gun at the Oracle)

Agent Finn: Are you going to come quietly?

Act Eleven – Training

Baileyus and Megan are walking down a busy street. Baileyus has her hands behind her back and is walking easily, but Megan keeps on being knocked over.

(man knocks Megan over)

(Megan pulls out gun)

Megan: Fucker!

(BANG!)

Baileyus: As you can see, most of these people are still plugged into the Matrix. They are expendable. Any one of them could be an enemy.

(woman in red dress walks past with huge bazookas... over her shoulders)

(Megan stares)

Baileyus: Megan!

(Megan looks back)

Baileyus: Were you listening to me, or were you looking at the woman in the red dress with the guns?

Megan: N-

Baileyus: Look again.

(Megan looks, Agent has bazookas pointed at Megan)

(Megan ducks)

Baileyus: Freeze it.

(program freezes)

Megan: Holy shit! Who is that?

Baileyus: That is an Agent of this system. They are sentient programs designed for one thing, and one thing only.

Megan: What's that?

Baileyus: Destroying us.

(Megan stares at Agent)

Baileyus: Load the Dojo.

(cityscape disappears, and a large Japanese room appears)

(Baileyus is wearing a karate outfit, Megan is wearing a pink dressing gown and fluffy slippers)

Baileyus: Welcome to the Dojo. This is designed to train your reflexes.

Megan: Why am I wearing a crappy outfit AGAIN? Is my karate outfit under this?

Baileyus: No-

(Megan pulls off dressing gown, stands naked)

Baileyus: ...

Megan: Do you... er... want me to cover myself up?

Baileyus: That would be nice.

(Megan pulls dressing gown back on)

Baileyus: What was I.. er... saying..

Megan: Something about reflexes?

Baileyus: Oh yeah. Doesn't matter.

(pulls arms around in front)

Baileyus: It's time to train.

(Megan brings arms around in front)

(Megan sticks finger up)

(Baileyus and Megan run towards each other)

(they meet in the middle)

(Baileyus tries to punch Megan, she deflects her attacks)

(Megan tries to punch Baileyus, she deflects her attacks with one hand)

(Baileyus tries to punch Megan, she deflects her attacks with one hand standing on one leg)

(Megan tries to punch Baileyus, she deflects her attacks with one hand standing on one leg while facing the other way)

(Baileyus tries to punch Megan, she deflects her attacks with one hand standing on one leg while facing the other way and writing down the words to "Eye of the Tiger")

(Baileyus kicks Megan)

(Megan flies into pillar)

Baileyus: (puts hands together) Why can't you beat me?

Megan: (puff and pants) You're too strong.

Baileyus: Do you really think my strength has anything to do with my muscles, in This Place?

(waves arms madly)

Megan: (thinks) No...

Baileyus: Again.

(Megan gets up and starts kicking and punching Baileyus with all her might)

(Baileyus deflects them easily)

Baileyus: (whilst deflecting) Stop trying to hit me and hit me!

(Megan kicks and spits and screams and punches and pulls hair)

Megan: I WANNA WIN!

(kicks Baileyus into wall)

Baileyus: Good. Now we must-

(room dissolves)

(they are back in Maple House)

Megan: Hey! I was winning!

(Meadows, Sarah and Kimity are standing there looking grim)

Meadows: We've got trouble.

Baileyus: What is it?

Kimity: The One has been captured by Agents.

Act Twelve – Rescue Mission

Agent Williams opens a door. It glows brightly white. He steps in, and finds himself in a room walled with microwaves. There is a chair in the centre of the room-

(chair spins round)

Trish: And the Trisharchitect is sitting in it.

(Agent Williams stops)

Agent Williams: What?

Trish: Nothing.

(Agent Williams walks towards the chair, stands in front of it)

(silence)

Agent Williams: (sighs) What have I done now?

Trish: Go back and shut the door.

(Agent Williams walks back across the room and shuts the door)

(walks back)

Agent Williams: Happy?

Trish: Yes, it's just because it... lets the heat out...

Agent Williams: I understand.

Trish: (stands up) Do you?

(Agent Williams flinches)

Trish: Jumpy, aren't we?

Agent Williams: (in a small voice) Please don't hurt me.

Trish: (laughs) Why would I hurt you?

Agent Williams: Because you're ebil.

Trish: Too true.

Agent Williams: Why am I here?

Trish: Because the One has been captured.

(Agent Williams morphs into Peter)

Peter: What, me?

Trish: Don't show off.

(Peter morphs back into Agent Williams)

Agent Williams: Sorry. So who's he been captured by then?

Trish: The Agents.

Agent Williams: (sighs) Tsk. So are we gonna save him then?

Trish: Looks likely.

(both sigh and roll eyes)

Agent Williams: Where is he kept?

Trish: Oh wait there, it's about to cut to Megan, and I really want to do an ebil laugh.

Agent Williams: What, now?

(Trish looks at watch)

Trish: Nnnnn.... NOW!

(they look at the ceiling and laugh evilly)

Agent Williams: Ahahahaahhahahahahaahaha!

Trish: AhahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahASBESTOS!

(Agent Williams and Trish run away screaming)

Back at Maple House, Megan, Baileyus, Kimity, Sarah and Meadows are all discussing possible rescue missions.

Megan: Where are they?

Baileyus: They are being held in a floor. In that floor there is a building. No. That's not right...

Sarah: It's a building heavily guarded by Agents. We're not going to be able to break into it unless we get some help.

Baileyus: (mumbles) In the floor there is a door. In the door there is a key. In the key there is... Atoms. In the atoms there is...

Meadows: What's an atom?

(all talk at once)

Sarah: An atom is-

Baileyus: Atoms inside atoms- no it's

Kimity: No monkeys you fools!

Sarah: I'm like plasticine... Why won't you eat me?

Baileyus: What if the atoms were reaaaalllly small?

Megan: SHUT UP!

(all stop)

(plasticine drips from roof)

Megan: (slaps hand on head) We're going to need some help.

Act Thirteen – Allies

Megan, Baileyus, Sarah, Kimity and Meadows are all squashed on a bench in the court where "Fight or Flight?" took place.

Meadows: Budge up.

(everyone shuffles up, Kim nearly falls off)

Kim: Hey! I'm falling off here!

Megan: Shh! Here they come!

(doors all open)

(Agent Williamses all flood out)

(they all line up in front of a bench)

(Trish pushes her way through the crowd)

Trish: Move outta the way! Big momma coming through!

(pushes her way to the front)

(wipes suit, strokes goatee beard)

(looks up)

Trish: Well, well, well... Look who came crawling back in the end...

Agent Williams: Recognise this place?

Megan: No...

Agent Williams: Oh. Yeah. Different reality.

(Megan raises eyebrow)

Agent Williams: Oh! That's so hot! Can you do that again?

(Agent Williamses and Trish all pull out guns)

(BANG!)

Sarah: That was a bit... harsh...

Agent Williamses: (together) No it wasn't.

Trish: So, Baileyus, you need my help to rescue the fortune - teller?

Baileyus: No.

(Megan nudges her)

Baileyus: (sighs) Yes... But don't make me say it again.

Trish: We will help you.

Kimity: What's the price?

Trish: No price at all... We just want to see the satisfaction of our fellow man...

(everyone coughs)

Trish: (sighs) And women..

(Trish looks at Meadows)

Trish: Did you just cough?

Meadows: (shrugs shoulders) I dunno.

Trish: Yes, you did!

Meadows: And then?

Trish: Nothing.

Meadows: And then?

Trish: No more and thens.

Meadows: And then?

Trish: No more and thens!

Meadows: Andddd then?

Trish: STOP IT!

(Meadows stops)

Trish: So, as I was-

Meadows: And then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and-

(Trish pulls out gun)

(BANG!)

(Meadows slumps sideways)

(Kimity shuffles down, Meadows falls off)

(Sarah whispers "yes" and punches fists in air)

Megan: How can we trust you?

Trish: You can't.

Agent Williams: But to prove our promise, we will randomly release a balloon each.

(they all release a balloon)

(Kimity starts humming a song)

Baileyus: What are you humming?

Kimity: Nothing.

Sarah: Is that all? Coronation Street's on soon.

Trish: You might need a plan.

(Sarah sighs and pulls out a pocket TV)

Baileyus: So have you thought of something?

Trish: We will go around the front and I-

Agent Williams: We will distract the Agents.

(Trish stares at Agent Williams)

Agent Williams: What now?

Trish: I was talking then.

Agent Williams: So were we.

Trish: Shut up.

Agent Williams: Bu-

(Trish hold up finger to her lips)

(Agent Williams punches Trish in the nose)

(Trish collapses on the floor)

Agent Williams: We will, of course, be in contact.

Baileyus: Of course.

(they shake hands over Trish's body)

(they walk off)

Agent Williams: They must be stopped.

2nd Agent Williams: Of course.

1st Agent Williams: Do they realise she is dead?

(Trish gets back up off the floor, and morphs into 3rd Agent Williams)

3rd Agent Williams: No they do not.

2nd Agent Williams: Then all is going to plan.

1st Agent Williams: It is, isn't it?

(the rest of the Agent Williamses walk away, one stays behind)

(he stares into they sky)

(... and 99 red balloons go by)

Act Fourteen – Lies and Consequences

Agent Williams is sitting in a darkened room. There is someone sitting in another chair, but they are blocked from view.

Agent Williams: And so they have agreed.

Person: And so they shall be destroyed.

Agent Williams: It's great how things work out, isn't it?

Person: Shut up. This bit isn't supposed to be funny.

Agent Williams: This bit of what?

Person: Nothing, never mind.

Person: What have they agreed to?

Agent Williams: Erm.. We go round the front, they go round the back.

Person: Have you spoken to the Agents?

Agent Williams: Errr..

(Person sighs)

Person: You really are exasperating, do you know that Tom?

Agent Williams: Don't call me that!

Person: I will call you what I wish.

(Agent Williams grits teeth)

Agent Williams: Is that all?

Person: Yes, you may leave.

Agent Williams: I would have left anyway.

Person: I don't like your tone... I do hope nothing will go wrong tomorrow. Because that means things will go exceedingly wrong for you.

Agent Williams: As in Mr. Kilping exceedingly?

Person: As in Mr. Kilping exceedingly.

(Agent Williams gulps)

Agent Williams: Right, I'm going.

Person: I haven't given you permission.

Agent Williams: I'm assuming the permission from before still stands.

Person: Assume away.

(Agent Williams stands up, walks towards door)

Person: Tom?

(Agent Williams stops, still with back turned)

Agent Williams: What have I told you about-

(turns around)

(Agent Williams jerks)

(he collapses; the room is empty)

Act Fifteen – Torture

Agent Finn stares out of a window that is high above a cityscape below. She turns around, Peter and the Oracle are tied face up with duck-tape on separate tables.

(Agent Finn stares out of window)

(99 red balloons float past)

(Agent Finn walks across room)

Agent Finn: I really don't see why this has to be this way.... It could be so easy-

(knock on door)

(Agent Finn puts ear to door)

Agent Finn: Who is it?

Agent Bethell: It's me.

Agent Finn: Who's me?

Agent Bethell: Agent Bethell.

Agent Finn: What's the password?

Agent Bethell: Tom is gay. Do we have to have that as a password?

Agent Finn: Sorry, that's wrong.

Agent Bethell: What!? Let me in!

Agent Finn: No, go away!

Agent Bethell: For fuck's sake!

(stomps away)

(Agent Finn turns around, picks up a shiny spiky thing)

Agent Finn: (polishing shiny thing) Hmmm... This one, I think...

(Oracle mumbles through tape)

Agent Finn: What was that? You want another go of the last one?

(Oracle narrows eyes)

Agent Finn: No? Then do you want two goes of-

(knock on door)

Agent Finn: One second, please.

(puts shiny thing down, puts ear to door)

Agent Finn: Who is it?

Agent Marshall: It's me. Bethell's really upset. Just let him in.

Agent Finn: No! You can come in, though.

Agent Marshall: Ok then.

(opens door, Agent Marshall comes in)

Agent Marshall: Wow! Two days of straight torture! I'm impressed, people!

(Peter and the Oracle put thumbs up)

Agent Finn: I was just about to use shiny spiky thing Number Six-

Agent Marshall: Oooh! I like that one!

Agent Finn: So do I! The Oracle was just saying that she wanted two goes when you knocked on the door!

Agent Marshall: Really?

(Agent Marshall walks over to Peter)

Agent Marshall: And what about you? What do-

(knock on door)

(Agent Finn looks at Agent Marshall, they both get next to door)

Agent Marshall: (puts on deep voice) Yeeeeessss?

Agent Bethell: Who is this?

(Agent Finn starts giggling)

(Agent Marshall puts fingers on lips)

(Agent Finn shoves fist in her mouth)

Agent Marshall: (in deep voice) This is your teacher talking. Do your homework, you bad boy.

Agent Bethell: Miss Frost? Is that really you? You sound awfully manly...

(Agent Finn bursts out laughing)

Agent Bethell: That's you isn't it, Finn! Let me in!

Agent Finn: What's the password?

Agent Bethell: Tom is gay!

Agent Marshall: Yes, he is, isn't he!

(Peter and the Oracle burst out laughing)

Agent Bethell: Right, that's it! I'm kicking the door down!

Agent Finn: Ok, ok, we'll let you in...

Agent Bethell: Ok then.

(Agent Finn opens door)

Agent Bethell: (starts to step in) Thanks-

Agent Finn: Psyche!

(slams door)

Agent Bethell: That's it!

(door collapses)

Agent Finn: What did you do that for?

Agent Bethell: I told you I'd kick it down!

Agent Marshall: We would have let you in! There's no need to kick the door down!

Agent Bethell: Whatever.

(Agent Bethell steps through doorway)

Agent Bethell: What have you done so far?

(Agent Finn counts on fingers)

Agent Finn: Feet, shoulders, knees and erm... I think we did heads...

(Oracle's ear fall off)

Agent Marshall: Yep.

Agent Finn: And we were about to move onto the torsos.

Agent Bethell: Ok, do Peter's chest first.

(Agent Bethell picks up knife)

Agent Finn: Actually, about chests, I'd rather not do the Oracle's...

(Agent Bethell stops)

(Agent Finn looks down at knife)

Agent Finn: Ok, I'll do it...

Agent Bethell: Right, first things first.

(Peter mumbles)

(The agents walk over, they tear Peter's shirt off with knife)

(Peter looks away)

(screams in agony)

Act Sixteen – Assault

Megan, Baileyus, Kimity, Sarah, Agent Williams and what appears to be Trish are all standing outside a pair of wrought iron gates. A skyscraper looms in the distance.

Sarah: Do we have to do this? It's awfully cold, and Coronation Street's on.

(rubs hands together)

Kimity: Sarah! For all we know, Peter and the Oracle could be getting tortured in there!

Sarah: Well, we don't KNOW that...

(Agent Williams stares up at the skyscraper)

Agent Williams Trish: They will be.

(everyone looks)

Baileyus: Are you two psychic or something. You seem to be... connected lately...

Agent Williams Trish: (quickly) No we're not.

(they turn towards each other)

Agent Williams Trish: Stop it!

Agent Williams Trish: You'll give us away!

Agent Williams Trish: Will yo-

(Trish kicks Agent Williams in the shins)

(everyone looks on dubiously)

Sarah: (rubs her hands together) What amazingly unsuspicious hilarity!

Kimity: Actually, it's very suspicio-

Sarah: I said AMAZINGLY UNSUSPICIOUS.

Baileyus: We know, we heard, but what we're trying to say is-

Sarah: UN-SUS-PI-CIOUS.

Megan: Hey! Where're they going?

(Agent Williams and Trish are walking around the corner)

Kimity: Hey! Wait for us!

Baileyus: They must be implementing the plan.

(Trish changes into Agent Williams)

(everyone looks gobsmacked)

Sarah: (coughs) IT IS AMAZINGLY UNSUSPICIOUS.

Kimity: Bu-

(Sarah pulls Kimity by the shoulders)

Sarah: Come on.

Two Agent Williams are walking around to the back of the skyscraper.

1st Agent Williams: Do you think they noticed?

2nd Agent Williams: No chance.

(they stop and stare up at the top floor of the darkened building)

(in one room, what looks like a flamethrower shoots out of the open window)

1st Agent Williams: I don't envy them.

2nd Agent Williams: Neither do we.

(they walk round the corner into an alleyway)

(Agent Marshall and Agent Finn are standing there)

Agent Finn: Why, hello boys.

Megan, Kimity, Baileyus and Sarah are all crowded around. Baileyus looks at her watch.

Baileyus: (looks at watch) 2.. 1...

Baileyus: Right, they should have the Agents distracted by now. Let's split up. Kimity and Sarah, you are to apprehend the chef at 11:30. Me and Megan will destroy the custard vat at 11:35. Then, you two must dunk the chips at approximately 11:37. That will give us enough time to collect the laundry and escape through the 14th floor window. Then-

(Megan coughs)

(Baileyus looks)

Baileyus: Yes?

Megan: I'm just wondering how exactly this will help us to save Peter and the Oracle.

Baileyus: Peter and the Oracle? We're not here for the laundry?

(Megan slaps her hand on her forehead)

Baileyus: Screw it. You two blow up something that makes a big bang, and we'll leg it to the top floor.

Everyone: Check.

Baileyus: Right, let's compare times.

(everyone looks at Baileyus)

Baileyus: What? We did it at camp!

Baileyus: I've got 11:15. We can have a few minutes. Everyone?

Sarah: 23:15.

(Baileyus nods)

Megan: 14 minutes past eleven.

(Baileyus nods)

Kimity: Sixty-five past twelve.

(Baileyus nods)

Baileyus: Right. Move out, people.

Meanwhile, the Agents have the Agent Williamses cornered – or do they?

(Agent Finn smiles)

Agent Finn: Well, well, well. If it isn't the viral Agent Williams. Es. Eses.

1st Agent Williams: I see our reputation precedes us.

Agent Marshall: Where are they?

2nd Agent Williams: Around the front.

Agent Finn: Why, thank you.

1st Agent Williams: And our prize?

Agent Marshall: Of course.

(puts arms out wide)

(Agent Williamses shove hands in Agent Finn and Agent Marshall)

(they turn into more Agent Williamses)

3rd Agent Williams: It's great to be around again.

4th Agent Williams: Isn't it?

Around the front, Megan and Baileyus watch as Sarah and Kimity climb into the skyscraper through a smashed window.

(Baileyus smashes second window)

(she climbs through)

(Megan does a flip through the window, and lands in a hallway)

Megan: Here we go...

Baileyus: There is nothing to be afraid of.

Megan: I know, I just get a bad feeling...

Baileyus: Well override it then. (turns on torch)

Baileyus: Down here.

(they walk down the darkened hallway)

(they turn a corner)

(camera zooms in on windows)

(Agents climb through silently)

Act Seventeen – Counter-Attack

Megan and Baileyus walk through the hallways with a torch. They step into a lift.

(Megan hits floor number nine)

Megan: Why does this lift only go up to floor number nine?

Baileyus: Because not many people go to the upper floors, so they are only reachable by stairs.

(lift hums)

Baileyus: Here we are... Another darkened floor.

(smiles at Megan)

(Megan smiles back)

(lift doors open)

(hallway is fully lit, but empty)

(Baileyus takes sharp intake of breath)

Megan: What?

Baileyus: I knocked out the power to this building earlier on.

Megan: Well... maybe they got the fuse working again...

Baileyus: I blew up a power plant.

Megan: Well... erm maybe it was fixed...

Baileyus: Look out of the window.

(Megan looks out of the window to see all the buildings in darkness)

Megan: That doesn't mean anything! Maybe they weren't able to fix those ones!

Baileyus: (shakes head) Not there. Look at the floor.

(Megan looks out of the window; the ground is swarming with Agents all looking upwards)

(Megan breathes in sharply)

Baileyus: I thought so. It has to be-

Megan: Williams.

(they start to run down the hallway, but all the doors open and Agents come flooding out)

Baileyus: Shit.

(Baileyus drags Megan into a broom cupboard)

(Agents start to bang on the door)

(Megan looks around)

Baileyus: There.

(she points at an air vent)

Sarah and Kimity are standing in a lift. Three Agents are chasing them. Kimity shuts the lift door behind them, but Sarah is dragged through.

(doors slam)

(lift starts moving)

(Kimity bangs on the doors)

Kimity: Goddamn it!

(Kimity puts her hands on the lift wall)

(she breathes heavily)

Kimity: Focus...

(lift dings)

(Kimity turns around, starts shooting doors)

(doors open, an Agent is outside dodging her bullets in a blur)

(Kimity steps out of lift, still shooting)

(gun clicks)

(Agent smiles)

(Kimity throws the gun away, starts to fight the Agent)

(he grabs her legs and throws her into the wall)

(she backflips over him)

(Agent turns around and punches her into the far wall)

(Kimity turns around and runs through the door)

Megan and Baileyus are crawling through the air vents.

(Megan falls into a laundry chute)

(Baileyus grabs her feet)

(Baileyus slips)

(Megan falls down the chute)

Baileyus: (sighs) Clumsy fool.

(walks away)

Act Eighteen – The Two Fools

Megan is zooming down a laundry chute when she grabs hold of an opening.

(Megan sighs with relief)

(an Agent pulls her in)

(Megan groans)

(the Agent stands on one side of the room, Megan stands on the other)

Megan: Who are you?

Agent: My name is Saruman. I am the highest order of Agent Wizards.

Megan: What's that?

(points at table covered by cloth)

Agent Saruman: (walks over) This is the stone of Rach'tman Mun. It is an evil stone that sees all.

(Megan's ears prick up)

Megan: Everything??

Agent Saruman: The Rach'tman Mun sees Everything.

Megan: Really? With a capital aswell?

Agent Saruman: Indeed.

Megan: Does it... by any chance.. get... the Discovery channel?

Agent Saruman: What did I just say?

Megan: Just checking. Can I have a go?

Agent Saruman: No!

(Megan walks over and pulls cloth off to reveal a highly polished black stone)

Megan: Just a little look...

(Agent Saruman walks over, covers it with his coat)

(as he touches it, an image of the Discovery Channel flashes up)

Megan: The hour is later than you think...

(Agent Saruman looks shocked)

Megan: Yes... The Discovery Channel is on. Join us, Saruman, and watch the channel...

Agent Saruman: Since when did the wise Megan Tyler abandon reason for MADNESS?

Megan: (picks up staff) So you have elected the way of pain!!

(Megan jerks staff, Agent Saruman is swept off his feet)

Agent Saruman: Agh! (jabs staff)

(Megan slams into wall)

(Megan tries to move, but she is pinned against the wall)

(Agent Saruman holds out hand, Megan's staff comes out of her hand and into his)

(Megan begins to float and twirl around)

(she begins to rise)

(she gathers speed, hurtles towards the roof)

Act Nineteen – Mutiny

Megan lies on the top of a huge skyscraper. She whispers to a moth in her hand, and then releases it.

(moth flies away)

(Agent Saruman walks up)

Agent Saruman: You could have had it all...

Megan: I don't want your power...

Agent Saruman: You really are an ungrateful bitch! I give you a wonderful view from up here, and all you do is moan, moan, moan...

Agent Saruman: I mean, who moans more than you?

Agent Saruman: You must have the most moaning power in the whole world!!

Megan: There is only one Lord of the Moans...

Megan: And he does not share power!

(dives off the side of the tower)

(Agent Saruman runs to the edge)

(looks over)

(Megan has been caught by a gang of Agent Williamses standing on each other's shoulders)

Agent Williams: Let's not fight again.

(tower wobbles)

Agent Williams: Oy! Keep it steady down there!

(an Agent Williams at the bottom and puffs and pants)

Megan: What on earth?

Agent Williams: We had a little change of heart. We've decided to help you. For now.

(tower walks over to rooftop)

(Agent Williams puts Megan down on roof, Baileyus and Kimity are there)

Baileyus: Come on.

(drags Megan by the scruff of the neck)

(pushes her down the stairs)

Megan: Agh!

(Megan lies at the bottom of the stairs, unmoving)

Kimity: What did you do that for?

Baileyus: I was in a bad mood.

Kimity: But wasn't it a bit harsh for-

(Baileyus gives Kimity a severe look)

(Kimity stops)

Baileyus: AND WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CALLING ME THAT?

Voice: Sorry.

Becky: That's better.

(shouts down the stairs)

Baileyus: GET UP!

(Megan moans)

Baileyus: Go and get her, Kimity.

Kimity: What? You were the one who pushed her down the stairs! Do you know how heavy that bitch is?!

(Baileyus narrows eyes)

Baileyus: Insubordination severity clause seven... Do you want to be thrown into the stockades?

Kimity: (cocks gun) Mutiny.

(Baileyus narrows eyes even further)

Baileyus: Really?

(pulls out huge samurai sword)

Kimity: Where on earth does that come from, anyway?

Baileyus: I don't know, but I know where it's going.

(Kimity pulls out another gun)

Kimity: I was empty.

(Kimity pulls out samurai sword with pink fairies on it)

(Baileyus raises eyebrow)

Kimity: What? It came with my pencilcase!

Kimity: Look, it does this!

(sword turns into a blue lightsaber)

Baileyus: Dude! Mine does it too!

(Baileyus' sword turns into a red lightsaber)

Both together: Dude!!!

(they narrow eyes)

(Baileyus strikes at Kimity with her lightsaber)

Kimity: Argh! I wasn't ready!

(Baileyus smirks)

(Kimity pushes down with all her force on her lightsaber)

(slices Baileyus' arm off)

(Baileyus collapses on the floor in agony)

Baileyus: Go on! Smite me down! I will only rise even more powerful than before!

(Kimity falters)

Baileyus: Go on!!! Use your anger and your fear! I an unarmed! Strike me down!

(Kimity tosses lightsaber away)

Baileyus: Ha! Fool!

(pulls out gun)

(BANG!)

(Kimity staggers off building)

(a thump is heard below... a rather soft bump, actually)

Agent Williams: OW! What the hell was that?

(Megan walks up the stairs)

Megan: Where's Kimity?

Baileyus: She had to take a fall.

Megan: Sorry?

Baileyus: She's on the ground floor.

Megan: I don't understand.

Baileyus: (sighs) She popped her clogs.

Megan: Kim doesn't wear clogs... Are you trying to tell me something here?

Baileyus: Yes!!

Megan: What then?

Baileyus: (to self) For fucks sake... (to Megan) SHE IS INDISPOSED!

Megan: I'm not sure what you're trying to say...

(Baileyus pulls out gun, points it at her own forehead)

Baileyus: She's dead!

Megan: Dead? What's that?

(BANG!)

(Baileyus falls off building)

(Megan walks through door)

(door slams)

Agent Williams: Will people stop with the falling?

Act Twenty – Chit-chat

Megan is walking down a white corridor. There are many doors.

Megan: Which door?

(a leprechaun pops up next to her)

Leprechaun: Does it matter? Burn them! Burn them all!

Megan: Ok, I'll do that then.

(pulls out lighter, lights it)

(an angel pops up on the other side)

Angel: No, my child... Do the right thing... Don't burn the sacred doors down....

Leprechaun: Shut up! Who asked you Sir Wingship?

Angel: What the hell did you just say to me?

(rolls up sleeves)

Leprechaun: Come on then! I had your mum just like this too!

Angel: What did you just say 'bout my momma?

Megan: SHUT UP! Let me think!

Megan: Get lost.

(waves arms either side)

(people vanish in puffs of smoke)

(Megan walks down a corridor, sees door with hinges snapped off)

(steps inside)

(the room is in darkness, but someone can be seen standing next to the window)

Megan: Where are they?

Person: They have been taken.

Megan: What? Where?

Person: One question at a time, please.

Megan: Where?

Person: They have been taken to the lair of the two lovers.

Megan: Two lovers?

Person: The two lovers defeated the Agents and took Peter and the Oracle to their evil base.

Megan: Who are the two lovers?

Person: The Mardis Gras, and my ex-boyfriend.

Person: And you are?

(disco lights come on)

Person: They call me Sophie Ellis Bextor.

Megan: The Mardis Gras will destroy them all you know.

(music comes on)

Sophie: â™«I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I knowâ™«

â™«But feel no - sorrowâ™«

Megan: â™«But so and so and so and so and soâ™«

â™«There's no - tomorrowâ™«

Sophie: â™«Coz there'll be – Murder in the Gay Barâ™«

(curtain is pulled back to reveal Rachel Gleave and Abi Chester as backing singers)

Rach Flabi: â™«In the Gay Barâ™«

Megan: (cocks gun) â™«And you'd better not even move, where's -â™«

Rach Flabi: â™« PJ? â™«

Sophie: â™«I'll tell you but do you want the other Bin-go one? â™«

Megan: â™«Erm no, oh no, yes no, way no, I think its noâ™«

â™«Coz we don't – like him. â™«

Sophie: â™«I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I knowâ™«

â™«We don't like him eeeeiiitthhheerr-â™«

Rach Flabi: â™«Oh nooo! â™«

Sophie: â™«Oh noooo! â™«

Megan: â™«Oh nooooooooooo!!!! â™«

(slides across floor)

Everyone: â™«Coz there'll be – Murder in the Gay Barâ™«

Rach Flabi: â™«In the gay barâ™«

Megan: â™«Unless this bloody cho-rus stops - right nowâ™«

Megan: â™«Right now, right now, right now, right nowâ™«

(stamps feet)

Sophie: â™«Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok -â™«

â™«What do you want – to know? â™«

Megan: â™«I want to know, I want to know, I want to know -â™«

â™«Where they will beeeeeeâ™«

Flabi Rach: â™«I think you should list-en to the chorus moreâ™«

Sophie: â™«Coz, there'll be Murder in the Gay Barâ™«

Megan: â™«Oh, in the Gay Bar!â™«

Sophie: â™«Where my small-penised ex-boyfriend will die-â™«

(CRASH)

(Megan jumps out of the door)

Act Twenty-One – Bullets on the rooftop

A door opens on the rooftop, and Megan steps outside. She shuts the door behind her, and turns back round.

(Agent Finn is standing there, with a gun pointing at Megan's head)

Agent Finn: Turn back around, slowly.

(Megan looks at the floor)

(looks up, with a steely glint in her eye)

Megan: No.

(Agent Finn rolls eyes)

Agent Finn: Do you want me to shoot you? Because I will, you know.

Megan: I'm sure that is true.

Agent Finn: Then why won't you?

Megan: Because it is my choice.

Agent Finn: Choice? Choice! Choice is an illusion created between Headagents and Agents.

Megan: Headagents? What are they?

Agent Finn: I'm not telling you.

Megan: Why not?

Agent Finn: Because that is my choice. So just turn around.

Megan: What if I don't want to?

(Agent Finn rolls eyes, cocks gun)

Agent Finn: (sighs) Just do what I say.

Megan: No.

Agent Finn: Fine then.

(shoots at Megan)

(bullets slow down, Megan bends backwards)

(Megan dodges the bullets)

(pulls herself back up)

(shoots at Agent Finn)

(she dodges bullets in a blur)

(a gun is pointed to the side of Agent Finn's head)

Sarah: Dodge this.

(shoots Agent Finn in the head. She collapses and turns into Miss Bruce)

Megan: Ahhhh!

(shoots Miss Bruce in the head several times)

(she collapses)

Sarah: Phew, that was close.

(Miss Bruce moans)

Sarah Megan: Ahhhh!!!

(they shoot Miss Bruce in the head some more)

Act Twenty-Two – Lair of the Two Lovers

Megan stands outside a darkened building. A neon sign on it says, "The Mardis Gras Gay Bar downstairs!".

(Sean Hughes walks out with no top on)

(a bouncer in pink walks out after him)

Bouncer: And you can take your top too!

(throws Sean a leather bikini)

Sean: Oh, come ON! (flicks hand) How was I supposed to know off the house stripteases were against the rules?

(Bouncer points to sign that says no teases)

Bouncer: Now get lost, you tease. (flicks hand)

(Sean throws leather bikini over his shoulder)

Sean: Fine then. I'll take my business elsewhere, you bitch.

(clunks off into the night in high heels)

(Megan steps out of the darkness)

(she is wearing a long overcoat and standing on Sarah's shoulders)

(they cover up the overcoat)

(Megan walks up to bouncer)

Megan: (puts on deep voice) Hellloooo....

(Bouncer looks at them funny)

Megan: (flicks wrist) Er... you bitch.

(Bouncer looks accusingly)

(Sarah kicks Megan)

Megan: Ow! It's that time of the month, so don't you start down there!

(wags finger at pants)

(Bouncer backs away)

Bouncer: Are you lost... mate...

(Megan looks up)

Megan: (puts on deep voice) Mmmm... Let's go down't pub. Love.

(Bouncer pulls out pink walkie-talkie)

Bouncer: We have a 1-13 here. Need backup.

(Megan throws away overcoat)

Megan: (pulls out gun) Look, just let us in.

Bouncer: Oh! Megan! You should have said it was you! You're our star customer!

Megan: I don't know... what you're talking about....

Bouncer: Yes, you do, you tease!

(slaps Megan's shoulder)

Bouncer: Remember the baby oil incident?

(Megan looks around)

Bouncer: Oh, come on! What about the time with the washing up powder!?

(Megan looks around)

Bouncer: Oh, you must remember when I used the banana and shoved it right up-

(Megan pulls trigger)

(BANG!)

The Mardis Gras is lying naked on a table while Aled sucks on his.... grapes...

Mardis Gras: Mmmm.. grapes...

(Megan and Sarah burst in the double doors)

(Mardis Gras falls off table)

(comes back up snappily dressed)

Mardis Gras: Will you people warn me next time?

Megan: (cocks gun) Indeed.

Mardis Gras: I see old habits die hard.

Sarah: (cocks gun) Indeed.

Mardis Gras: I don't know who you are, but I'm liking you less and less by the minute.

Megan: Just shut up.

Aled: How rude!?

Sarah: Shut up, small dick.

(Mardis Gras suppresses a laugh)

Aled: Stop laughing at me you bitches!

Mardis Gras: So, what are you here to shoot my leather about this time?

Sarah: You know why.

Mardis Gras: So, you are here for the Oracle and the One.

Aled: Who are they again?

Mardis Gras: (to Aled) The Oracle's the one that wanted to join in all our kinky sessions.

Aled: Oh yeah. The short one. Looks a bit like an umpa-loompa.

Mardis Gras: That's the one. And Peter's the one with the huge...

Aled: Manual?

Mardis Gras: Oh yes, that's what we agreed to, isn't it.

(Megan shoots leather)

Mardis Gras: What? Oh for fucks sake!

Megan: Where are they?

Mardis Gras: They have been taken.

(Megan gives exasperated sigh)

Sarah: Who the hell by now?

Mardis Gras: I cannot say her name.

(Megan cocks gun)

Mardis Gras: I cannot! I CANNOT! I CANNOTT!! CAN-NO-CAN-NOT CAN-CAN NOT NOT!

(Mardis Gras and Aled explode in a blast of code)

(Megan raises eyebrow)

(puts gun away)

Megan: Ok, so that's our only lead.

(voice at door)

Voice: I know where they are.

(person steps out of darkness)

(it's Shick)

Act Twenty-Three – Destruction of Agent Williams

Hundreds of Agent Williamses stands alone on a rooftop shrouded in darkness. Dark clouds float around the building.

(Agent Williamses' ties flap in the wind)

1st Agent Williams: There's a storm brewing.

2nd Agent Williams: There is, isn't there?

1st Agent Williams: It does not matter. She cannot defeat us. We are too strong again.

2nd Agent Williams: But they will have adapted from the last time we took over.

1st Agent Williams: But it was easy then. This time it may be a challenge.

2nd Agent Williams: It may, it may not.

3rd Agent Williams: Silence. She approaches.

(Agent Williams views clouds in coding)

(sees bright yellow figure stepping an a moving bridge of green through the dark green clouds)

(the code is sucked in towards the figure)

(in normal view, the clouds part, but nothing can be seen)

(the coded figure stops walking and floats in the air in front of the Agent Williamses)

1st Agent Williams: We were expecting you this time.

(a harsh whisper is carried on the wind)

Voice: I knew... I knew...

(Agent Williamses look at each other)

2nd Agent Williams: Then why did you come?

Voice: Death... Destruction...

1st Agent Williams: (to 2nd) Not very chatty, is she?

3rd Agent Williams: (to 1st) This isn't her.

Voice: Hu.. hu... hu... clever...

(Agent Williams talk to each other)

Agent Williamses: It isn't her... What shall we do? How shall we proceed?

1st Agent Williams: (to other Agent Williamses) Silence!

1st Agent Williams: We were expecting the Headagent. What are you?

Voice: Destruction....

2nd Agent Williams: We have no business with you. Leave us.

(wind picks up)

Destruction: A foul wind....

(Agent Williamses look at each other)

Destruction: Death approaches... It comes... For you, virus...

1st Agent Williams: You cannot kill us. We are too strong.

Destruction: It is here...

(1st Agent Williams moans in agony)

(other Agent Williams look)

(1st Agent Williams holds hands out; they are old and withered)

(Agent Williamses look on, terrified, as 1st Agent Williams turns into a skeleton)

(1st Agent Williams explodes in a cloud of dust)

(the wind carries the dust away)

Destruction: A foul wind... Hu... Hu... Hu...

(All the Agent Williamses try to escape, but they too age and evaporate in the wind)

(Destruction laughs)

(the clouds roll away)

(a screech is heard in the distance)

(the clouds disappear to reveal stars)

(... and 99 red balloons go by)

Act Twenty-Four – Escapism

Megan and Sarah look on as Shick appears for the first time in 11,000 words.

Shick: I know where they are.

Megan: Good for you.

(silence)

Shick: Don't you want to know?

Sarah: Not really.

Shick: They're being held by the Headagent.

Sarah: What did we just say?

Shick: Yeah, anyway. She's the program that governs and runs the Matrix.

Megan: We don't care.

Shick: She has captured them to lure you all together. I don't think it'd be wise for you to go.

Megan: (looks at Sarah) We going then?

Sarah: Of course.

Shick: But I thought you said-

(Megan and Sarah walk away)

Shick: Erm. Ok then. I'll just... stand here...

(Megan shouts backwards)

Megan: You do that.

(Megan and Sarah hold hands and skip off)

Shick: But they don't know where she is ... I give up.

Megan and Sarah open a door and walk inside. There is an Agent standing in the middle of the room.

Agent: So, we have arrived, have we?

Sarah: Expecting us?

Agent: Obviously.

Agent: Duh.

Megan: We want to speak to the organ grinder, not the monkey.

Agent: Organ? So you have met her?

Sarah: Not very bright, is he?

Megan: So she's called Organ.

Agent: No.

(Megan pulls out gun)

Megan: Take us to her.

(Agent bows)

Agent: I must apologize.

Megan: What for?

(Agent pulls out a cup of tea)

Agent: For this...

(dips biscuit in tea)

Sarah: Ahh! I see! Some sort of test to see if she is the Other One?

(Agent puts biscuit in mouth)

Agent: Not really...

(swallows biscuit)

Agent: It's for you actually.

(throws tea in Sarah's face)

(the tea scalds her face, she staggers around in agony)

Megan: You- you-

Agent: It's Norman actually.

(Sarah staggers in front of Agent Norman)

(Agent Norman reaches out)

(snaps Sarah's neck)

(she falls to the floor)

Megan: Oh my lord! You've killed Sarah!

Agent Norman: Hmm. Indeed.

Megan: Jesus Christ! What is wrong with you?

(Agent Norman stops)

Agent Norman: Did you just use the Lord's name in vain?

Megan: (quickly) No.

Agent Norman: That's one thing I can't stand.

(pulls out uzis)

Megan: I didn't say anything.

Agent Norman: Indeed.

(cocks guns)

Megan: HEEEEEEELLPPP!

(a big "J" appears in the sky)

Megan: Are you going to.. kill me?

Agent Norman: (smirks) Of course.

SLOW MOTION

(figure flies through the J)

(Agent Norman squeezes trigger)

(window smashes of its own accord)

(bullets fly out of gun towards Megan)

(she puts her hands out)

(huge wind sends Agent Norman flying)

(sonic boom)

(Megan is gone)

(Agent Norman crashes into wall)

(Agent Norman touches earpiece)

Agent Norman: Stir chaos.

Act Twenty-Five - Rise of Chaos

Megan is soaring across the city skyline in the arms of someone in a superheroes' cape with a big J emblazoned across her chest.

Megan: I'm alive?

(person carries on flying)

Megan: Who are you?

Person: You may call me. JennyWoman. (flexes muscles)

Megan: Why did you save me?

Jenny: Call for help 9-5, and JennyWoman (flexes muscles) will come.

Megan: What? Stop! I'm confused.

Jenny: We cannot stop. Chaos rules here.

Megan: Why should you be afraid of chaos? You're a superhero! Sort it out!

Jenny: It? It's a she.

Megan: What? What are you talking about?

(a huge, ear splitting roar sounds behind them)

Megan: Please be on our side,

(looks around)

(a huge, winged, metal creature soars towards them)

(it breathes fire)

(Megan faints)

(JennyWoman slaps Megan)

Jenny: Wake up you divvy!

Megan: What? Is it time for school already?

(Megan looks behind her, sees a huge mas of steel hurtling towards them, breathing fire)

Megan: What's Miss Bruce doing here?

(creature rams JennyWoman from behind)

(she hurtles from the sky, crashes through the floor)

(they land, side by side, on a bench in an underground train station)

Megan: What the hell was THAT?

(breathes deeply with her head in between her legs)

JennyWoman: That was Chaos. The third of three.

Megan: There's THREE of those things?

JennyWoman: No, the other two are different. They are much worse.

(Megan's eyes widen in horror)

(she pulls out a paper bag, and breathes into it)

JennyWoman: They are the Programmi Dell'omissione – the Programs of Deletion. They govern the end of all programs within the Matrix.

Megan: Well how come I've never seen any?

JennyWoman: They are usually only seen when a program is due to be deleted.

Megan: Well what was with the big.. firebreathing... thing...

JennyWoman: I don't know... But from what I can gather, they're out of control. Badly out of control.

Megan: Who controls them?

(JennyWoman begins to shake uncontrollably)

JennyWoman: Argh! She has me! Organ – organ!!

(JennyWoman's body begins to crack into shards)

Megan: (shakes JennyWoman) Tell me!

JennyWoman: Go back! Back! To the beginning!

Megan: Where? Where was the beginning?

(JennyWoman explodes in a flurry of green code)

Megan: If that happens one more time-

(the roof of the train station is ripped off)

Megan: Fuck.

(Chaos leers down at her)

(Chaos points at her)

Megan: Film.

(Chaos points at mouth, then at her)

Megan: First syllable.

(Chaos' hand smashes down on Megan, but she dives out of the way)

Megan: Sounds like hand?

(Chaos inhales sharply)

(Megan dives up escalators)

(flames follow her up the escalators)

Megan: Pirates of the Caribbean?

(Chaos sticks its' steel head through the opening)

(roars)

Megan: Have a smint.

(throws smint in Chaos' mouth)

(Chaos whacks tail against floor)

(roof of station collapses in front of Megan)

(she is forced to turn round and stare Chaos in the face)

(Chaos smashes its' way towards her)

Act Twenty-Six – The One

Megan stands defiantly in Chaos' shadow as it smashes its' way towards her.

Megan: This is the end

(rocks smash into pieces behind Megan)

(Peter walks through the dust)

Peter: This isn't your world.

(Chaos looks confused)

Peter: Confused? How about this?

(pulls out rocket launcher)

(Chaos' eyes widen)

(BOOOOMM!!)

Bits and pieces of rubble float down as Megan and Peter sit on the bench at the train station.

(Peter flicks lighter)

Peter: Surprised to see me?

(Megan smiles)

Megan: Not really.

(Peter smiles)

Peter: (snaps lighter shut) God, it's been so long since I smiled...

Megan: What are we going to do? Everything's been destroyed. They've won.

(Peter smirks)

Peter: Not quite. We're still left.

Megan: What? But we don't know where they are! And how can we compete against the other two Programmi Dell'omissione?

Peter: What? Destruction and Death? They're pushovers.

(Megan raises eyebrow)

Peter: Trust me. We can't lose. The Oracle has shown me the future. It's happy, green and warm. Just like it was.

(Megan looks around at the cold, grey train station as thunder rumbles above)

Megan: That's kind of optimistic. And how did you two escape?

(Peter stands up sharply)

Peter: We didn't. I did.

Megan: What? Is she...

Peter: Yes. She is. And Agent Williams.

Megan: So, it's just us?

(Peter breaks out into a huge grin)

Peter: Not quite.

Megan: What?

(Peter grins)

Peter: Look who I found on my escape.

(Holley and Amy step out)

Holley: Hiya hunny.

Megan: But.. they never made it to this reality.. Agent Williams... killed them on the way...

Peter: He did. But I brought them back.

Megan: How? Why?

Peter: The hows do not matter. But as for why... Don't you understand yet?

Megan: What? WHAT?!

Amy: Now we can go back to the start. With backup.

Megan: Why, who was at the start?

(everyone slaps hands on head)

Peter: It doesn't matter. Take Amy and follow me.

(Peter grabs hold of Holley and flies off into the storm-ridden sky)

Act Twenty-Seven – Fresh Beginnings

Holley is sat at a table, in a wrecked café. Amy walks in and sits opposite.

Holley: Hi hunny! You're late. Where've you been?

Amy: Shut up. We don't have to re-enact the whole thing.

(Peter and Megan walk away from the window, crunching smashed glass under their feet)

(Peter smiles)

Megan: They are all coming. Fools.

(Agents begin to walk in and surround the table)

(Agent Finn and Bethell push their way through the crowd)

Agent Finn: Can I take your order?

(Amy looks up)

Amy: Yes, I'll have a can of whup-ass on you.

Agent Finn: I'm afraid we don't do on-the-house specials anymore. I'll have to administer the whup-ass to your account.

(Peter stands up)

Peter: I'm sure you can do whup-ass for me?

Agent Bethell: Ahhh... The martyr... Or is it traitor now?

(Agent Finn sneers)

Peter: (looks on scornfully) I betrayed no-one.

Agent Finn: No, only yourself.

Holley: What are they talking about?

Peter: Nothing.

(Agent Bethell raises an eyebrow)

Agent Finn: Ohhh! I see! You haven't told the Brady Bunch yet about your little bargain with Belzebub?

Agent Bethell: Alliteration.

Agent Finn: (cracks knuckles) Indeed.

Megan: What are you talking about?

Agent Finn: Why? (laughs) Afraid the One's not as clear-cut as he looks?

Amy: Spit it out.

Agent Bethell: You see, the reason why you and Loreal here-

(ruffles Holley's hair)

Agent Bethell: Are around is because Peter made a deal with Death himself. To save your life – in return for his own.

Megan: You're lying.

Agent Finn: Only one way to prove it. Let's see if the Dark One's left his calling card.

(two Agents grab hold of Peter, who struggles)

Agent Bethell: (pulls out knife) Now, where could it be?

(Peter struggles)

Agent Bethell: Let's try here first.

(uses knife to rip off Peter's shirt)

(666 is scarred across his chest)

Agent Finn: (smiles) Got it in one.

(Megan gasps)

Holley: Peter! How could you!

(Peter pulls on ripped shirt)

(stares at Agent Finn)

Peter: Just let us in.

Agent Finn: My pleasure.

(pulls out knife, uses it to cut a door through the air)

(everything is sucked into the whiteness and disappears)

Act Twenty-Eight – Headagent

A figure in red stands in front of an army of black and white underneath a sky streaked by red lightning. Megan and Peter stand in the crowd.

(Megan looks around)

Megan: Where are we? Where's Holley and Amy?

Peter: They have been destroyed.

(Megan stares at Peter)

Megan: (in a shaky voice) What?

Peter: They had to be destroyed.

Megan: But they were my friends

Peter: (sighs) Megan. The amount of people you've seen die over the last month or so – this is no time for an attack of conscience.

Megan: (in icy tone) _But they were my friends._

Peter: Megan! Be quiet!

(Megan jumps on Peter)

Megan: You bastard!

(starts hitting him)

Megan: What is wrong with you? You're heartless!!

(Peter grabs Megan by the throat, lifts her up)

Peter: (hisses) I did not come this far to have everything come to nothing just because of you and your stupid conscience...

Megan: (chokes) You-

Peter: (hisses) Listen. See that person on the platform? See this? This is the future. If we don't stop it, this is what happens. An army of Agents, dictated to by this one Agent. The Headagent known as Organ. They overrun mankind, and our species will be destroyed.

Peter: (hisses) Is that what you want? The destruction of the human race? For Holley's mere memory?

(Megan shakes her head)

(Peter drops her to the floor, she massages her throat)

Megan: You're crazy. You're as bad as they are...

Peter: Help me Megan. We can go backwards. If we defeat the Agents here, we can go backwards and change everything...

Peter: Please help me Megan...

(Megan looks up)

Megan: No.

(Peter's face contorts in fury. He lashes out at Megan and she flies across the heads of the Agents. She lands in a heap on the floor, and does not move.)

(Peter looks at his hands)

Peter: Oh god.. What have I done?

(looks up, all the Agents are staring at him)

Voice: Who are you?

(The voice comes from a slender woman at the front of the stage)

Peter: Are you Organ?

Organ: I am indeed. Make room, Agents, for our "guest"...

(Agents smirk, but make a path to the stage at the front)

(Peter walks down, and feels all eyes on him)

(stops in front of Organ)

Organ: Again, I ask, who are you?

Peter: Your end.

(tries to punch Organ)

(Organ grabs hold of his hand)

(crushes it)

Act Twenty-Nine – The Fall of Destruction

(Peter collapses in agony on the floor)

Organ: Yes, I do know who you are. But you are not my end. I am yours.

Peter: But.. I had the power of Death...

Organ: Death's power is mine to give, not his. Here, in this future, he has been captured by me. I have his power. Not-

(kicks Peter in face, he slides across the floor)

Organ: -you.

Organ: Let us see how good the One of the Humans is.

(claps hands)

(room melts away, leaving Organ standing in a white hallway full of pillars, with Peter kneeling at her feet)

Organ: Destruction. I call you.

(pillars crack)

(they turn red, and explode in a cloud of red code)

Organ: Reveal yourself.

(A huge serpent materialises in the centre of the room, with shades on)

Organ: Had to add the personal touch.

(Peter gulps)

(Organ melts away)

(Destruction snaps jaws)

Peter: This is ridiculous.

(serpent dives at Peter, he rolls out of the way)

Peter: What? I meant to fly!

(bends knees)

(puts hand above shoulder)

(jumps)

(Destruction looks on dubiously)

(Peter jumps up and down)

Destruction: What are you doing?

Peter: I've forgotten how to fly!

(Destruction raises eyebrow)

Peret: Snakes don't have eyebrows.

Destruction: Oops.

(rattles tail)

Destruction: Er. Hiss..

Peter: Do you really want to do this?

Destruction: Actually, I was getting a bit sick of being cooped up in here with Organ. She only lets me out to destroy the odd city.

(lowers eye next to Peter)

Destruction: Actually, you don't look that bad. Maybe we could be friends?

(Peter points uzis at Destructions' eyes)

Peter: (cocks gun) Indeed.

(BANG!)

Destruction is slumped on the floor, blood pouring out of one of its' eyes, and Peter is sitting on its' tail, when a portal opens.

(a woman steps out, with a huge scythe over her shoulder)

(Peter falls off Destructions' tail)

(Woman steps up, looking down at a list)

Woman: (sighs) Whose time is it now?

(looks up)

Woman: Oh my lord! Destruction! Who did this?!

(Destruction mumbles)

Woman: Spit it out!

Destruction: The One...

(collapses)

(woman throws hands to sky)

Woman: I swear revenge!

Woman: If I ever see that yellow-bellied no-good son of a-

(Peter steps out)

Peter: Hello Death. Long time no see.

Act Thirty – Death

Peter and Death face off against each other.

(Peter points uzis at Death)

Death: (laughs) What chance do you have against Death?

Peter: (cocks gun) Loads.

Death: What? Are you off your trolley?

Peter: Erm... yes actually... Three days of torture and a deal with Death do kind of take it out of you.

Death: Oh yes... Did Holley and thingymubobby help you out in the end?

Peter: I wouldn't be standing here if they didn't.

Death: And why did I have to pick up the Other One earlier?

(Peter looks down)

Death: Hur hur hur....

Peter: (cocks gun) It's in the past.

(Death swings scythe around)

Death: Let's do this.

(Peter fires at Death, she knocks the bullets back with her scythe)

(Peter flies out of the way)

Peter: Ah! That's it!

(Death throws scythe at Peter, it misses and flies back)

(Peter flies at her)

(she hits him with the blunt end of the scythe, he falls to the floor in front of her)

(she raises the scythe)

(swings it down)

(Peter rolls left)

(she pulls the scythe out and strikes again)

(Peter rolls out of the way again)

(sparks fly from the scythe as Death pulls it back out again)

(Peter kicks, and Death falls off her feet)

(she loses her grip on the scythe, and it hurtles away across the floor)

(Peter jumps on Death)

(Death hits out, Peter goes flying into the air)

(he halts in mid-air and flies back at her, fists clenched in front of him)

(Death stands still)

(Peter hurtles towards her)

(Death holds out her hand)

(Peter clenches his teeth)

(Death retracts her hand)

(Peter ploughs into her, she collapses)

(Peter rolls away, and Death lies still)

Peter: (breathes heavily) So Death is inevitable for all.

(Peter stares at the roof)

(stands up)

(bends knees)

(ground ripples)

(flies upwards)

(roof ripples)

(roof collapses, and Peter flies through)

(Peter flies into the grey sky)

(he disappears into the distance)

(red lightning crackles in the sky)

(... and 99 red balloons float by)

Act Thirty-One – Journey's Over

Peter flies over the ruins of the cities, towards a huge citadel in the distance.

(the sky darkens)

(Peter has flashbacks)

Holley: Hi hunny!

Megan: Why the fuck am I Persephone?

Kim: From the vibrations I could feel it was pretty DAMN CRAP!!

Becky: (blushes) I can't!!

Amy: What the? Miss Poolton!

Tom: Yep! Tis a fake! (grins)

Megan: Watch out, we've seen the Matrix...

Uncle Sam: There's the problem... Oh, fuck!

Becky: (cocks gun) Indeed.

Megan: Oh my god! You're choking him Mary!

Kim: HEEEEEELLPP!!

Peter: How do I defeat the Agent Marshall?

2nd Agent Williams: Sellotape that binds us

Peter: That means nothing.

Amy: No, but isn't the one that is the killer usually-

Oracle: Yeah, so you should be, you thick cow. Now piss off and leave me to die.

Holley: Oops. Lost the coffin.

David: Why do I know, you old bag?

Mardis Gras: (pats chair) Sit down boys...

Megan: I've heard that name before. Who is he?

Oracle: Crap.

Frenchy: Oh fer fucks sake...

Hijacker: Annoying, isn't it?

Megan: (concentrating on road) You missed a lot when you jumped out of that window.

Agent Bethell: One and a two and a three macarina –

Peter: Who's that bastard behind me that just killed Megan?

Peter: Hello Trish.

Peter: Is that a – tabloid?

Shick: It's a chair.

Oracle: (faces Shick) I promise you Shick, you will be able to show him. You'll see him again, I promise you from the bottom of my heart...

Someday, Shick, someday....

(Peter shakes his head)

(The citadel casts its' shadow across the cities)

(Peter can see Organ standing at the top, waiting for him)

(Peter sinks into flashbacks again)

Peter: (looks at watch) 11.50, just as she said it would be...

Megan: This can't be real...

Kim: I am, but we can't talk here. We might be being watched.

Agent: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Agent Bethell, and these are my associates, Agent Finn and Agent Marshall.

Kim: Don't worry. We think you might be stressed.

Becky: Because she told me. The Oracle.

Peter: He is not here. We think he should be here. Where is he?

Megan: Look! It just falls apart when I dip it in!

Oracle: Me, me, me...

Peter: Why do you lot always say that?

Baileyus: Were you listening to me, or were you looking at the woman in the red dress with the guns?

Trish: Jumpy, aren't we?

Agent Williams: Oh! That's so hot! Can you do that again?

Agent Williams: Right, I'm going.

Agent Marshall: It's me. Bethell's really upset. Just let him in.

Sarah: (coughs) IT IS AMAZINGLY UNSUSPICIOUS.

Baileyus: I knocked out the power to this building earlier on.

Baileyus: I was in a bad mood.

Sarah: Phew, that was close.

Aled: Oh yeah. The short one. Looks a bit like an umpa-loompa.

Agent: So, we have arrived, have we?

JennyWoman: They are the Programmi Dell'omissione – the Programs of Deletion. They govern the end of all programs within the Matrix.

Peter: (snaps lighter shut) God, it's been so long since I smiled...

Megan: (in icy tone) _But they were my friends._

Organ: Let us see how good the One of the Humans is.

Death: (laughs) What chance do you have against Death?

(Peter snaps out of it again)

(Organ is flying straight towards him with Death's scythe)

(slices him in half)

Act Thirty-Two – Rebirth

Peter's body falls to the floor in two pieces. Organ halts to watch.

Organ: So this is the fall of the human race. Graceful, isn't it?

(chuckles)

(Peter's body hits the floor with a splat)

(Organ turns away)

Peter: Where are you going?

(Organ turns around, Peter is standing there, with a samurai sword in his hand)

Organ: What the hell?

Peter: Something that a friend of mine told me. I think you should hear it too.

Organ: What?

Peter: It's the Matrix. Anything goes.

(Organ looks furious)

(dives at Peter with scythe)

(slashes at the samurai sword)

(the scythe breaks)

Organ: What? It can't be broken!

Peter: As I said before, anything goes.

(an elephant falls on Organ's head)

(Organ squeezes out from underneath it)

Organ: What the hell is going on?

Peter: Don't you see? I am the One. I can remake the Matrix as I see fit. And I see a world without Agents.

(the sun shines through the clouds)

Organ: No! This is our world! You have had your time!

Peter: It seems we get a second chance.

(the citadel crumbles, and collapses)

Organ: You can't get away with this! There is always evil where there is good!

(a green haze appears in the distance, covering the grey)

(it is grass growing through the concrete)

Peter: You are right. But good is always stronger than evil.

(Organ dives at Peter)

Organ: IT'S OUR WORLD!

(she evaporates before she gets there)

(Peter grabs her sunglasses)

(her dust falls on the fields below)

Peter: (looks at sunglasses) It think you'll find we've took it back.

(puts them in his pocket)

(flies away)

Act Thirty-Three – Grass is always greener

Megan and the Oracle sit underneath a tree in a sun-dappled field.

(Megan chews on some wheat)

Megan: Thank you for helping me. I couldn't have done it without you changing the past.

Oracle: No, it wouldn't have worked unless you were in the future.

Megan: No, it was you that did it.

Oracle: No, it was you!!

Megan: IT WAS YOU!

Oracle: No, it was both of us!

Megan: (points gun at Oracle's head) Indeed.

(they both stare at each other)

(they both burst out laughing)

(Megan puts the gun away)

Megan: (smiles) I hope this never ends.

Oracle: But why? Things can get so much better. They are already on the way up. I mean, look at Baileyus! She is a member of Greenpeace now!

(silence)

(they burst out laughing again)

Megan: No, seriously. That's just a case of grass is greener on the other side.

Oracle: (looks at Megan) But is that a bad thing?

Megan: Probably not. But how can we know?

Oracle: We can't. Not any more. We'll just have to take some more gambles.

Megan: And see where we get.

(they both smile)

Oracle: It's worked so far.

Megan: (raises eyebrow) Indeed.

Oracle: Oh! That's so hot! Can you-

(Megan looks at Oracle)

Oracle: Joke, joke...

(Oracle looks at the blue sky)

(Megan edges away nervously)

Act Thirty-Four – End of the End

Peter and Organ stand on a mountaintop, staring at the sun in the sky.

Peter: It looks like this really is the end.

Organ: Is it?

Peter: Of course it is!

Organ: I see it of more of a... beginning...

Peter: I suppose so.

(wind ruffles Peter's coat)

Organ: Are you going to destroy the last piece of evil then?

Peter: I don't know what you mean.

Organ: Yes you do. Don't lie to me.

(Peter feels in pockets)

(pulls out sunglasses)

(Peter sighs)

(Peter looks at Organ)

Peter: What do you think I should do?

Organ: Destroy it. Let me rest.

(Peter looks down at sunglasses, sees the sun reflected in the sky)

(thinks)

(pockets the sunglasses)

Peter: Not yet.

(he is alone on the mountain)

(the ground ripples)

(he flies away into the sun)


End file.
